Pay Day Has Come
Thank you for this weekend. Where can I begin -wow! I want to share this testimony with you. God is doing such an amazing surgery in my heart words cannot begin to fathom. I grew up as a Pastors kid and went to church every week. I believe Christ died for me and that if I were to die I …would go to heaven. However I never had a personal understanding of what his death on that cross meant for me.
I grew up with a lot of hurt and abuse. At the hands of people that should have looked after me. My innocence was robbed at an age that I never consented to. And for many years I lived with the guilt and shame that all that happened to me in those years were my fault. And although I had a strong reverence for who God was even as a young kid I was in constant fear of my life as I never stayed in one home for long. I was constantly being told I was ‘no good’ and that no one would ever love me. And that’s why my mother and father abandoned me. For several years I use to wonder if this was true. And not having a real identity of who I was suppose to me I lived a life of masked person. My hurts and pain were hidden behind a mask and I played the game called pretending.
Unfortunately things only got worse as I entered my 20’s I began to hate the person I was. I hated everything that I believed had been stolen from me as a young girl. I was homeless and in a place of desperation to survive. A young mother with a baby and no family to support me and no access to government funds due to legal status in this country at the time. I had no choice but to give up university in exchange to raise my prince. It’s saddens me to believe that I had no choice but for two years I went down a road I never imagined I would find myself in.
I sold my body for money in order for survival. I was hurting so much I went though deep depression although I had always suffered from depression throughout my early years during school. This became worse especially at the time of my son being physically abused at 15 months at the hands of people I thought I could trust.
Things got so bad I wanted so desperately to die. I would pray for God to take my life away. So I could hurt no more. Suicide attempts after another my life was in a downward spiral even to the point of taking cocaine and marijuana for many years to numb the pain of my actual existence. I was desperate for my life to work. Consequently I got acquainted with the wrong people as a means of escape. As a result of this I ended up committing a crime which almost landed me a prison sentence of four years. I was exhausted by trying to live life in my my own strength. I was due to be on trial in the first week of January all odds against me the lawyers themselves were convinced I would be trialed and sentenced to a full term. I was scared and for first time in my years of leaving the church I felt desperate.
I had given my life to Christ in 1997 at the age of 17… But life’s circumstance and lack of good teaching kept me in a religious bondage. I went to church I read the word but I was never taught on how to make life work. I eventually left the church for 10 years and tried to do life on my own. Although it was apparent that Gods hands were always on my life.
I heard The Lord tell me to repent. And come home. On New Years eve I rededicated my life to God. In January I found favour in God and man and I was given one year probation and 200 hours unpaid work. In that same week I was introduced to the ministry gift of Ramson Mumba and the home of El-Shaddai London.
My life has never been the same again. And I thank God 5 years later I’m still here. I have my legal status, a beautiful home, a good job that I wasn’t qualified for, my family being restored. A sound mind without any counselling or medication. I met and forgave the man who use to beat me to the point where he got tired. I look at my body today and there are no scars. I love the woman I see starring back at me… I have a sister and a covenant friend.. I have joy and peace unspeakable. I have a privilege of parenting my prince and it is always amazing testimony to God to see him flourishing against all the odds and upheaval we’ve had to endure in his early years. And most importantly I have VISION!!!
I believe through your anointing and gift I have been given a second third and fourth chance to dream and live again!! I actually like my life. I love who I am and who He is Restoring me to be…
Pastor for so many years I’ve been thanking you and telling you how much I appreciated you- but yesterday at Word Explosion Nottingham when you said to go back to that point of exchange… I literally felt a complete cleansing for the first time in 5 years… Tears streaming down my face I knew that an exchange between and Jesus was happening. This time I was ready to give it all to him… My pay day has come.