When your husband or wife seems impossible!


When we get married, we are looking forward to years of loving companionship, We are happy to announce ourselves fully booked and content. We are eager and ready to become one flesh in every way.

And so it should be that way.

However, the reality is that becoming one flesh is no joke, and sooner or later all of us hit a challenge because the “becoming” part is far from easy.

In fact, things often seem to be going in the opposite direction..

The opposite of “one flesh” is distance and disconnection. It can happen that, what once started out warm and intimate becomes cool and barely even polite.

This is the result of discovering things about your spouse over the course of time, which are difficult to deal with. Often the behavior of the other seems unfathomable, unpredictable and unloving. It can drive you to believe that the fault with your waning relationship rests entirely on the other, since his or her actions and reactions are so utterly impossible to handle.

But the fact is that this state of affairs is completely normal and to be expected, since you married an individual, who, simply by reason of being a member of the opposite sex, is wired entirely differently to you!

Consider these typical traits of male and female “wiring”:

  • A man has a strong drive and strong opinions. He finds it hard to admit that he is wrong. When a man presents ideas to his wife, he is looking for endorsement, not discussion!
  • Since Adam received his commission to work before he received Eve, to this day men have a confusing drive to pursue their work at the expense of their family sometimes.
  • A man has almost an obsession with respect. Whatever you are discussing, if your approach is wrong and he starts to feel disrespected, the new topic of conversation will be how you disrespected him, until you put that right.
  • A man has a strong drive to seek sexual fulfilment. If a man says he isn’t bothered about being married, he is finding an outlet for his sexual drive somewhere else!
  • A man is easily a creature of habit; he will want to sit in the same chair, eat the same food, tell the same jokes and repeat the same daily routines; in fact he has to work hard at not becoming boring!
  • A man is profoundly insecure and fears that one day he will be uncovered as not being everything that he is outwardly making out. Yet his fragile ego is also the power house of his ability to take you somewhere and to become great. As a woman you should build your man up, rather than attempt to bring him down a peg or two!
  • A woman is emotionally unpredictable and changeable. Her moods fluctuate from one day to the next and even from one moment to the next. To a man she can seem exhausting in the emotional demands she makes.
  • She desires conversation and connection. She loves to explore and express her feelings and observations.
  • A woman will want to talk about an issue until she feels that you have heard her. Until she feels that way, the subject is not closed!
  • A woman feels the tone of everything you say to her, far more than she hears the words themselves. Not only that but she never forgets what you said to her, especially if it was hurtful, and you never made it right.
  • A woman needs affection, which does not always turn into a sexual encounter. She wants to be held and stroked, simply so that she can feel that you cherish her.
  • A woman who loves you will see what you can become – she will see the king in you. When you feel she is nagging, she is actually trying to make you into that king.
  • A woman is wired to help you, to incubate what you give her and to present to you something far more creative and developed. If you tell her your plans and ideas, don’t expect them to remain the way you stated them. She isn’t meddling, she is bringing you her contribution with a view to helping you!

The hardest thing about all of this is that none of us find it comfortable or easy to accept and embrace the differences of another person. Our instinct is to try and make the other person conform to how we are.

Men want the women to respond to them as another man would and they wish that their woman would stop being so much work!

Women want the men to be more sensitive and communicative, because it’s tough for them living with someone who doesn’t want to give much emotionally.

Yet God has given to us, not what we feel we need, but what HE can see that we need. He knows that if we stay entrenched in our own way of being, we will be less than what we could be, even though we may feel it’s an easier deal.

As we make the uncomfortable stretch to understand our spouse, and to accommodate and fulfil their needs, even though we may feel that those needs are unreasonable or unnecessary, God does an amazing thing; He makes us into the person that we ought to be in His plan and purpose.

Don’t try and make your husband or wife into your image; allow them to be, in your life, the creation that God has set alongside you, made in His image.

Make a decision that every effort you put into yielding to the needs and demands of your spouse, to give them what they want within reason and within the boundaries of morality, is entirely worth it, since the rewards that you will reap both in your own success as an individual and as a couple, will far outweigh the cost.

Settle it forever that becoming one flesh is God’s purpose for you in marriage, and that your willingness to bend and change to make your wife or husband happy, is an honorable thing.

Finally, welcome the process! Jump right in and give it all you have. The benefits of a happy spouse will far exceed the price of your sacrifice. Not only that, but the promotion that God gives, as your character becomes mature and fully formed, will bring fulfilment that cannot be attained any other way.

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Your family can make it!

10-16-14 4

Romans 15:4

For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.

I wonder if you feel alone in the relationship issues you are facing right now? You have prayed but there seems to be no help from God.

It’s time to look more closely at the men and women in the scripture. Their stories are not just for our learning, but for our comfort and help; so that we can see how their lives turned out and gain hope, strength and encouragement from them.

So many believers read the Bible superficially, and understand everything idealistically. Meanwhile they live their lives in reality and fail to find the connection between their life and what God has written in His Word for us.

But the truth is that the entire Bible is an exposition of the interplay of human relationships.

When you start in the book of Genesis and discover in the first few chapters that God’s perspective is that it is not good for a man to be alone; you have to concede that human beings are built for relationship.

Eve was created as a feminine expression of Adam’s masculinity. They were one flesh, until sin came in to destroy their unity. Straight away they started to point the finger and fail to take responsibility for what they did.

In other words, the spirit of division entered their relationship.

Satan attacked their relational harmony because he wanted to nullify their purpose. he knew that a house divided against itself would fall, and when it seems like your house is in danger of falling, remember that the devil is after something bigger than your money and your personal effects – he is after your purpose in the Earth.

From that moment onwards, every family has been dysfunctional in one way or another. There is no such thing as a family where everything is sound and completely whole, although, of course, there are also degrees of dysfunction.

Sin ruins everything. You might look holy right now, but everyone has a time when their circumstances push them to do things that they never thought they would do.

Imagine how Adam and Eve felt when they had to bury their child, because his brother had murdered him! Yet all they had done was to teach both Cain and Abel to sacrifice to God. One brother desired to please, and ended up the worse off, even though he did nothing wrong; the other was determined to do his own thing, regardless of the consequences. Does that sound like your house?

And then Cain had to continue in life without hiding or checking out, walking among those who knew his issues, since the mark was on his forehead. Shame and embarrassment was his portion. For how many of us is that the case? Earlier in life we made mistakes that brought reproach, and now we still have to face those who know what we did and try to live out our lives with dignity and purpose.

Abraham and Sarah faced the issues of infertility and mutual disappointment. How hard it is when your spouse wants something so desperately from you, but you cannot give it. The pressure that Sarah felt must have been great for her to suggest that her husband sleep with her maid!

Noah was a man with outward notoriety, but a family who were ashamed of him. He spent all his life achieving a great accomplishment, but his relationship with his son was ropey, and after all that glamour and success, he was found lying naked and drunk, and his son was not even willing to cover him.

This is the emptiness of a human being who has focused his efforts on accomplishments at the expense of close relationship. The truth of all of our lives is that we need others to feed our souls. In fact we can tell that you are dealing with some serious issues when you get to the point where you assert categorically that you don’t need other people in your life. It’s time to come back to God and allow Him to heal your broken places.

David was a man whose father never believed in him. When the time came for the prophet to anoint a king, Jesse didn’t even believe that David should be in the line up of possible candidates. Not only that but, while the girls lining the streets celebrated him, his own wife, Michal, despised him. Maybe Bathsheba was a symptom of something deeper in David’s heart that yearned for affirmation.

Joseph was betrayed. His whole family were his enemies. When the time came for him to have the opportunity to avenge himself on them, what should he do? You are tempted to make your enemies pay, but what does that say about your character? It makes you worse than the ones who hurt you originally.

Jacob and Esau were born at loggerheads with one another, and it wasn’t the fault of their parents. But their parents were divided in who they favored because of it.

Abigail was the woman who married a fool, and carried the burden of his folly;  although unlike many women, at least she was aware of it!

These examples and others reveal the traumatic struggles of men and women with real life relational issues.  No test or trial that you go through is uncommon to man. Can it be that the Bible has healing in it for you?

Maybe your issue is not that the doors are closed to the things you want out of life; maybe it is simply that your soul is sick.

Come to a place of realization before God, “There is nothing in my life that you don’t know; and You are the God of my broken places.”

Don’t be intimidated by your own wounds of life. You do not need to run or to hide. God will make something special out of what remains of your life if you will give who you are to Him in all honesty.

You can receive beauty for ashes and double for all your trouble. You will never look back because the blood of Jesus will clean your conscience to where you no longer even remember the shame of your youth.

Even in the face of these things, you can still look forward to many good days!


Don’t let offense have the last word

Beach San Pedro

Proverbs 18:19 An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel (NIV)

One of the hardest things to talk about with your spouse is disagreement over a standard or value that you hold dear.

When any one of these standards is threatened, emotions run high and the relationship moves into a vulnerable state whilst the issue is discussed and a resolution negotiated.

At any point along this path offense may arise and when it does so it blocks off all future progress towards resolution until the offense itself is dealt with. In fact, the offense then becomes the whole problem and needs to be the focus of your attention. It will be impossible to talk further about the issue at hand until the relationship is restored.

The process of becoming offended during conflict resolution often follows this pattern:

  • Spouse A confronts spouse B on an area of concern to him or her.
  • Spouse B becomes defensive, feels attacked, and refuses to accept the correction. He attaches his self-worth to the actions that are being challenged.
  • Spouse A refuses to accept spouse B’s hurt feelings as being valid and doesn’t recognize the wounded ego of the other, but instead feels rejected.
  • Both spouses feel that the other should reach out and apologize first.
  • Stalemate ensues where neither backs down.
  • Either one or both spouses begin to think critical and negative thoughts about the other, and become exaggeratedly aware of the other’s flaws.
  • Emotional withdrawal takes place.
  • You start to avoid the other person and close off from them.
  • You begin to feel disconnected and find no reason to stay together.

Offense is the decision not to yield but to harbor hurt and anger. The Word teaches us that offense in a relationship is a tough challenge; but it is not impossible to restore harmony and achieve a greater level of understanding as a result

Proverbs 15:1 tells us that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger

When everything in you feels like venting your anger and frustration at the unyielding spouse, the Bible shows that the key lies in the gentle answer. The following ways of applying this principle will greatly increase your ability to resolve conflict and defuse offense.

 Show empathy with them. Use body language that tells them that you are giving them your attention and that you are sympathetic towards their cause. Turn towards them and look them in the eye. Offer to hug them if appropriate and ask, “Is that how you feel?”

Don’t invalidate, but acknowledge their emotions. They need their emotions to be understood. At the root of every argument is, “”You don’t understand me”, or “You haven’t given legitimacy to how I feel.” Don’t be critical, but ask, “How does that make you feel?” and, “How can I best understand you?” Resist the temptation to rush to the solution. When a person feels understood they cannot really carry on shouting. They feel they have a partner at resolving the issue at hand. But if you invalidate their feelings, you are in trouble. Now you start fighting about whether their feelings are valid. You have to learn how to speak softly.

Give the other person the right to have a different opinion and to complain. This is a powerful and liberating thing in a relationship. It takes the sting out of the offense and minimizes its affects. Let them know that their complaint doesn’t mean that your relationship is over.

Recognize their needs. Hand in hand with every argument is the fact that their needs are not being met. Most men don’t understand that a woman has a strong need for affection which is as strong as a man’s need for sex. Acknowledgement of the other’s needs is a powerful reassurance of love and concern.

Be prepared to act and do something about it. If you understand, what are you prepared to do about it? Be prepared to make adjustments to your interactions with your spouse. Maybe speaking more gently and considerately on a frequent basis will give your spouse the security they need to yield to your values and ways of thinking without feeling trapped.

You must show that you care. People shouldn’t be afraid of you rejecting them when they mess up. They can mess up but you will still love them. You must be hard on the issue and soft on the person. It is not so much about coming against the person as it is about resolving the issue. Don’t beat the person up about it, but take measures to curb the offending behaviors.

When you reach a place of stalemate with your spouse, seek help. Having a pastor who provides spiritual covering over your lives and marriage will be a huge strength if you both respect that person enough to agree to submit to their counsel.

Finally, someone has to be prepared to back down. It requires great strength of character to stop a fight even when you know you have a valid point that is not being received by the other. Letting it go and entrusting what is dear to you to God is sometimes the only way forward without breaking the relationship. If you choose to take that route, you can be sure that God Himself will never let you down. He will stand up for you and fight your battles. Watch and see what the Lord will do on your behalf!


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When marriage brings regrets

Marriage regrets

One of the greatest blessings that God can give us is the ability to choose wisely. There is no area where this will impact us more than the area of choosing a marriage partner.

The fact is that many people find themselves married to someone who they would now like to “switch out” for someone else.

Why is it so easy to make a choice which, with hindsight, we would like to revisit?

To make a choice that you won’t later regret, you MUST know who you in God. This understanding doesn’t come overnight and yet waiting to get to the place where you have a real grasp of your purpose on the Earth, will be a huge advantage in knowing who to choose to walk alongside in you in life.

 You will be most fulfilled in marriage if the person you are with “gets” who you are. In contrast, it is very challenging to spend your life with someone whose whole focus for living differs radically from yours; even though when you were dating that didn’t seem as important than the excitement of the relationship you enjoyed together.

One common misconception is that, since opposites attract, it is a good idea to marry someone who “balances you out”. While this seems like a great theory, in reality, marrying someone who is opposite to you will not make for harmonious life. Men and women are already very different in make-up. If your interests, temperament and ways of dealing with life are also far apart from that of the other person, it will be hard to enjoy each other’s company in the long run.

We sometimes choose according to the need of the moment, to answer some kind of pressured situation we are facing. We can be convinced that another person is the answer to our problems in some way.

For example:

To spite our parents by breaking their control.

To escape an unhappy home.

To get affirmation from another person to patch up a negative self image

You are on the rebound from an unhappy relationship.

You are fearful of being “left on the shelf” and your biological clock is ticking

You are fearful of independence and want to replace your Mum or your sister.

To protect the person you are dating from feeling rejected.

You feel sorry for him and see yourself as his counselor.

It is the only legal way of getting sex!

You fall pregnant.

You need a visa or money, or you have some other personal agenda.

Since life is a journey, there are almost always elements of immaturity in our decision, which later we see with greater clarity.

The great news is that our choices don’t consign us to a lifetime of unhappiness.

The meaning of redemption is that God takes our humanity and creates something wonderful from our lives, and for that reason we should never feel trapped by decisions we made along the way.  God is not taken by surprise by our decisions, and He is able to work everything together for our good if we will place our trust in Him and not panic. He is the way maker and He will take us forward from where we are now.

Recognize that there is no security in human beings. The person you marry will be the source of your greatest joy and your greatest pain. You have to trust God with the management of your life and recognize that every relationship requires faith in God to make it work.

Remember that God is the one who satisfies your soul and then focus your attention on being a blessing to your husband or wife, instead of berating them for not meeting your felt needs.

Attend to these four areas of need within our spouse and sow your seeds of fulfilment into him or her. Your seed will surely set in motion the harvest you seek.

Acceptance– communicate to the other person that they are wanted and needed just as they are.

Identity – Recognize who you have married, Step back and look at their unique attributes and qualities and celebrate them. Be for their development and personal fulfilment, and don’t expect more than they are able to give right now.

Security – Let the person know.” I will not leave you destitute, no matter what you do” Put the highest priority on providing for you both and never leave the other stranded. If you have a track record of walking out, stop it.

Purpose – There is nothing more frustrating than living without a purpose. When people are not in touch with their purpose, they find all kinds of ways of distracting themselves – shopping, TV, substance abuse, even doing good deeds and being busy. But there is no aim in mind. Connect with one another by exploring why you are as you are. Find yourselves together.

Finally, bring yourself to sit under the preached Word as often as you can. The Word and the anointing will heal you every place you hurt. As you submit yourself to God in this way, you will discover that God knows well how to make ALL things beautiful in His time.


Is my family suffering under a generational curse?

Generational Curse 2

Numbers 14:18

‘The Lord is longsuffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.’

Does this scripture spell doom to you?

Are you among the large number of believers spending hours praying, fasting, sending offerings and seeking out a ministry anointed enough to pray the prayer of deliverance that will end the patterns of failure and struggle that seem to haunt your family?

If so, you need to know that this verse is not the final word on your situation; there is fresh news available to help you.

Let’s define our terms.

A curse is a judgment – an inevitability of punishment that brings a sense of hopelessness and powerlessness. It is something that is beyond our control.

Under the Old Covenant, the people were presented the law as a measure of God’s holy standards, but there was no power supplied to keep it.  Failure and mistakes were inevitable. The wrath of God for sin was only atoned for by the blood of animals, presented once a year by the priest on behalf of the people.

Under this system there was mercy for sin, but the full price for sin had not yet been paid. The people lived with an awareness of the closeness of the judgment of God for sin. Sometimes judgment broke out in the camp and thousands died.

The reason for this was that the punishment and judgment for sin is far greater than the sacrifice offered. One vivid picture of this was when Elijah built an altar to the Lord on Mount Carmel, and when the fire fell from Heaven, it consumed not only the sacrifice, but the water, stones and dust around it too. (2 Kings 18)

In his amazing holiness, God’s hatred of sin is so great that the person who sinned could not live long enough to pay the penalty for his mistakes, and therefore the judgment was passed down from generation to generation. This wasn’t  because God was particularly cruel and harsh, but because He could not deny Himself, or the force of His own goodness.

But God was not happy with this arrangement, but since He could not just change His mind and become soft on sin, He decided to carry the penalty Himself, to allow us to be forever free of the curse of judgment for sin.

God made a covenant agreement with His Son, Jesus, who despite His human reluctance to face something so huge, yielded to the cross where He poured out His own blood and offered it as a payment once and for all for the sin of mankind.

Although Jesus sought another way for the deal to be done, there was no other way, because His sinless blood was the only substance able to reach back into the depths of history and stretch right out into the future and cleanse all of humanity of every sin and failure to meet God’s perfect standard.

When that lonely figure hung on the cross, He was drinking the full cup of God’s wrath; and after He had absorbed every drop of God’s judgment for sin, He cried out “It is finished!”

Although He had taken every last bit of punishment upon Himself, He was still alive. No help was needed at that moment, signifying that no one else ever need to carry any part of it. Jesus was an overpayment for the sin of mankind. Only then did He yield up His life; His assignment was completed.

No more would the fathers eat sour grapes and the children’s teeth be set on edge. Jesus even cried out, “I thirst!” and drank the vinegar, as a direct sign that there is no more sourness left for humanity to bear as a result of judgment.

So if this is the case, why do we experience lingering problems in our families?

It is because of mindsets, attitudes and strongly held traditions and beliefs, passed down from parents to children, that prevent us from laying hold of our new freedom, simply because we have not understood how it can be possible. Simply put, we have believed in the strength of the curse over the power of the blood.

The blessing of God is received by faith in what the blood of Jesus has accomplished for us. Change your mind right now to embrace the fact that Jesus has done it all by His blood. No additional sacrifice is needed. Only believe.

If you will update your facts, and stop operating on the basis of the Old Covenant, which has now been done away with, you will be able to grasp hold of that unbelievable favor that the blood has now released for you. That is all you need to take care of everything.

This is the start of a new season for you. You will not be duped into tolerating the curse any longer. Declare with me: the blood of Jesus has redeemed me from sickness, from character weakness, from addictions, from poverty and failure. I reject the notion of a generational curse because Jesus is an overpayment for every sin ever committed by my ancestors. Whatever went before, I declare that I am a barrier breaker, and I receive the fullness of ALL that He has for me, RIGHT NOW!


Are you ready for a relationship?

DRM and PS Valentines

Matthew 19:5

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh

 The majority of single people would like to find someone to share their life with; a special someone who will be exclusively theirs.

If this is the case, and this is what you are asking God to do in your life, you might as well be prepared for the realities of marriage; since it is a principle in life that whatever goal you move towards will start to move towards you.

First of all assess yourself and your own behavior and attitudes to see how ready you are to steward the life of another person in marriage. The fact is that after the glamour of the wedding, daily life and the process of two individuals becoming one, will be the greatest character development program you have ever undertaken. The more preparation you can make ahead of time to become a mature single person, the better your marriage will be when the time comes.

The problem with the process of maturing, is that it is hard to recognize your own immaturity. Be bold and ask yourself some penetrating questions to assess where it is at with you:

Does everything always have to be about you and your issues?

Are you insensitive to the needs of others? Especially those you are close to?

Do you demand your own way in everything?

Can you be reasoned with? Do you recognize an authority higher than yourself to which you are willing to submit?

Do you get upset when you are held accountable for your actions? Can you take responsibility for the consequences of what you did without sloping off and blaming someone else?

When you marry, life is no longer going to be about just you but about both of you together. You can no longer be the center of attention all the time. Together you start to build a common life, built on a  common vision and purpose. Life is a burden without a purpose and marriage is too, so find someone who loves the purpose of God as much as you do and outwork your purpose together. You will become greater together than either of you could be alone.

A successful marriage is built on a commitment to meet the needs of another rather than to get your own needs met. When you decide to marry, you make a decision to value another person self-sacrificially, with a realistic assessment of their strengths and weaknesses.

So many marriages flounder when one spouse discovers the weakness of the other, since it some how hadn’t dawned on them up to that point that they had actually married a human being! This is where the honeymoon ends and the true marriage begins. How do you handle these challenges?

In marriage, both spouses should be able to be naked and unashamed. That means that both can reveal their fault without fear of rejection and judgment by the other. Be ready to become the healing that your spouse needs for their weakness, and the place of safety that they require to experience unconditional acceptance by another human being. There is tremendous redemptive power in this kind of love, and you literally become God’s vehicle for the restoration of another human soul.

In the world’s economy weakness means shame. In God’s economy, stewarding the weakness of another is a sacred trust and a unique privilege. However, if one spouse refuses to cover and protect the other from shame, but instead exposes them and rejects them, violating their trust, a tremendous hurt is caused. Naturally speaking that is the end of the marriage covenant; yet with God all things are possible, and if you can draw on God for the strength to hold on, there is still hope for the restoration of your relationship at His hands.

Are you ready to embark on this kind of journey with another person? Are you ready to invest to that degree in the life of another?

This is the commitment of marriage. Embrace it with your whole heart and it will be the most fulfilling adventure that you could ever experience.


Keeping your nest warm


There is nothing wrong with marriage. It has great potential to enrich your life like nothing else, but it also has great potential to destroy your life. That is why marriage is always a step of faith and can only be enjoyed if God is your security and your source. You will never yield and trust as you need to, to take your marriage from being a contract that protects and maximizes your personal advantage into the realm of covenant, where you sacrifice personal advantage to give your spouse the advantage , if your eyes are on the other person for reassurance that everything will work out right.

In fact the greatest security you have in your relationship together in marriage is when you both surrender to God and your spouse gets the overflow of your walk with God as you are continually refreshed day by day in His presence.

Commit to growing and recognize that life is lived in seasons. It is a journey through life and no-one can ever say they have made it. In fact the biblical view of marriage is not maintenance. Sometimes we are impressed by the length that a couple has been married, but this really isn’t it. I want to know, “What have those years been like?”

Marriage will get better if you don’t settle and put it into park. You will need to invest, first and foremost in your own development as a person.

Your whole life gets better when you get better, and that includes your marriage.

Secondly you must invest in your friendship together. You have to retain the sense of adventure and fun. Play with your wife. Tickle, jump, dance. Retain your child-like ness and don’t get too deep. Friendship becomes stale if you don’t invest.

Make the time to be together and to enjoy common interests. Date. Pay the baby sitter to stay with the kids so that you can be free to be together.

It is common to date in order to marry, but really we should marry in order to date.

Predictability is a big killer of your relationship. Keep your nest warm by surprising her with flowers, notes and little stuff that is just for her, so that she will feel treasured. She is not just the mother of your kids; she is your girl first and foremost.

Above all build loyalty, which is at the heart of your covenant together. Loyalty says: I will cover you and you will cover me. I won’t expose you and trash you even when you mess up. I will lay down my life and preserve you.

The security that your loyalty provides will create peace in your household for your kids, and even children within blended families will be able to trust and feel like they all belong, if you will commit to such a strong bond of loyalty and trust between the two of you.

Independence is the real killer of covenant. It refuses to yield, to trust or to submit. Sometimes I am asked what are the toughest years of marriage. Is it the first year? The first five years?

The answer is that marriage will be tough for as long as you determine to remain independent within it and live for your own advantage. The strength of your will to assert your selfish agenda will be the decider. Sometimes resentment can build because you feel that you are investing and sacrificing a lot and your investment seems not to be worth it since it doesn’t seem to be reciprocated.

But even if you are holding on to your relationship with your finger nails because of how tough and unrewarding it feels, remember that it is easier to change yourself than it is to change  your spouse.

If you can’t make it work, trust God. Do it because of what it does in you. When the waters are troubled that is not the time to jump, since most of our healing is in the troubled waters. Give it your very best, because if you come to the place where you cannot stay a moment longer, you will only be able to keep a clean conscience if you know that you gave it your best.


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