Great relationships built on strength don’t just happen. They take work. But who says that work can’t be fun? The work of building a relationship can be the most rewarding work you have ever done.
We must not make the mistake of over-spiritualizing how we build relationship. We cannot push the responsibility for our choices onto God! He never forces us into any relationship. Nor will he tell someone that a certain person is going to be their spouse without telling them too!
Since it is our choice, we must investigate before we commit. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to be married just for the sake of it. Take time and develop a relationship that’s genuine and secure.
To make a choice that you won’t later regret, you need to know who you are in God. This understanding doesn’t come overnight! However, getting to the place where you have a real grasp of your purpose on the Earth, will be a huge advantage as you choose someone to walk alongside in you in life.
Bear in mind that in dating, people always “put their best foot forward”. They present themselves at their best and because the process of dovetailing your lives into one shared life has not yet begun, it is easier to sustain a good impression at this stage. You will not marry the person you date since once you get home together, who you really are comes out. That is when the work really starts.
The answer, however, is not to try to bypass that part by living together before you marry, since we don’t test drive one another like a car before you buy it. The answer is to do your homework, getting prepared for this moment, by talking and finding out as much as possible about your potential future spouse. This stage is absolutely vital, since there is only one thing worse than being lonely, and that is being married to someone whose underlying values and attitudes are far more immature than yours, and who has little intention of moving forward. Such a person is unworthy of you!
Remember that, once married, ladies you will be required to submit to your man, and men, you will be required to lay down your life for your woman. However, if you insist on finding a person who is already polished before you deem them good enough to go out with you, you will probably find yourself chasing someone who is already taken. Choosing a partner to build your life with is a faith activity, because you must have a feel for the right raw material despite rough unfinished edges.
Here are some awesome basic qualities that would make a man or a woman an excellent spouse. If you will look beyond such things as an unattractive haircut or terrible fashion sense, you will be able to make a shrewd judgment anyway because you will be able to see the underlying characteristics of a truly excellent person.
- Someone who is smart but not overly opinionated.
- Someone who is assertive but not arrogant.
- Someone who works hard and is diligent, but is not superficial and all about the money.
- Someone with a great sense of humor that is neither sarcastic nor rude.
- Someone you find attractive, but who is not vain.
- Someone who is passionate but not selfish.
- Someone who is talkative, but who is an even better listener.
- Someone who is direct but who still speaks with kindness and tact.
Heavenly Father, thank you for wisdom for all my relationships. Thank you that I am able to see beyond the superficial and by your grace, I can work at my relationships and enjoy the rewards of my work.
Help me, Lord, to become an awesome human being, who is truly excellent. By faith I declare that all of those eight characteristics are true of me, and I contribute strength and blessing to my relationships. In Jesus’ name!