And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
The companionship of marriage is a wonderful thing, but even when we are in a relationship, to be human means to be lonely.
Aloneness and loneliness are two different things that we must not confuse, and if we fail to understand what is our responsibility and what can be expected of our marriage partner, we may end up with a forced relationship that suffocates rather than empowers one or both of the people in it.
If I say that I am incomplete because of my wife’s failure to be everything to me, I am placing a load on her that she is not equipped to carry. Nobody can be God to another. There are simply some things that only God can do for me.
Similarly, if I marry someone, with a view to fixing them, I have a Messiah complex! Their wound requires a balm that I simply don’t have!
That is not to say that God will not use us in our spouse’s life to bring comfort, encouragement, and security, but ultimately, we are all responsible for our own wholeness. If we keep pointing the finger at the other one for what we feel they are not bringing to the relationship, maybe it is time to re-evaluate where the deficit is.
Are you whole as an individual? The greatest gift that you can give to your husband or wife is your personal wholeness, because then you are free to appreciate them for who they are rather than what you can get from them.
If you are struggling, even as you lean on your partner for support, don’t let yourself harbor false expectations of them. And if your partner is struggling, you have a responsibility to give them as much joy as you can. Spoil them with your kindness. Give them the reassurance that you are not giving up on them because of their failings; but also consider when to step back and make space for them and for you, since there is a part of us that only God can touch.
If we embrace the loneliness of life, it is not a burden; it is part of us becoming the unique individuals that God created us to be. Learn how to handle it and bring your children up to do the same. Your maturity will be a blessing to your marriage partner and indeed to everyone you know!
Heavenly Father, thank you that you are more than enough for me. Every need that I have is met in you. Right now, I let my marriage partner, and indeed my friends and family off the hook for making up what is lacking in me. My eyes are on you, and right now, by faith, I receive my personal wholeness.
Thank you for the people you have placed in my life. I determine to be a blessing to them as far as I possibly can, and by your grace I will continue to appreciate them despite our failings – both theirs and mine. I believe I receive your wisdom and your grace to embrace my own individuality and to be maximized in it. Thank you, Lord!