Speak to the king

1 Samuel 25:32-33

Then David said to Abigail: “Blessed is the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you, because you have kept me this day from coming to bloodshed and from avenging myself with my own hand.”

Every man has the potential to act like a king or a fool. The one you speak to is the one you will draw out; and the one you draw out, is the one you will live with.

When David was insulted badly by a man called Nabal, the man’s foolish and harsh behavior riled David sorely and provoked him to plan an aggressive retaliation. David was mad and he was on the war path! Nabal spoke to the fool in David and was about to reap a fool’s reward.

But Nabal’s wife, Abigail, turned the whole situation around. She took gifts and went to meet David, where she offered a far better perspective. “One day soon you will be a great King, David. And when that day comes, you won’t want the blood of this fool on your head! He is too insignificant for you to bother with. Show your kingly dignity now by letting this fool go, and leave him to his own end.”

David heeded her words of wisdom, and changed his mind. When Nabal died just a short while later, David sent for Abigail and made her his wife. He recognized her honorable character and wanted her close.

If you speak to a man like a fool, you will provoke the fool in him, but if you speak to the king in him, reflecting  back to him his best self, that is who will answer . Here are some keys to help you judge it rightly and get a result that will satisfy you both.

A man is designed by God to be the driving force of a marriage. He is wired to lead, so if, as a wife, you demonstrate your distrust in him by competing with him for the headship of your home, you will irritate and provoke him to foolishness. That doesn’t mean that you must pretend you aren’t strong; your strength is his greatest asset when you know how to honor him as your head.

A man needs a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, yet is prone to terrible insecurities and self-doubts. If everything you say erodes that sense of confidence, don’t expect to see the best of him, or indeed for him to like having you around him!

A man would rather be shown respect than affection. Respect makes a man feel ten feet tall. If you belittle or criticize, however, you starve the king in him. Whatever you do, don’t make him jump through hoops before you communicate your respect for the man he is. If the man is your boss, it is your job to make him look good.

A man finds it very hard to admit he is wrong and takes failure hard. A man doesn’t need to be reminded of his mistakes. He may not seem to be, but he is very aware of them. If you try and get one up on him by forcing him into a corner, don’t be surprised if the fool talks back to you!

A man is always afraid that one day people will find out that he is not as good as he appears to be. If he feels under threat that you will uncover his weaknesses and expose him to ridicule you will bring out the worst in him. Do so at your peril!


Heavenly Father, thank you for the wisdom of your Word. I acknowledge the responsibility I have to manage my relationships well and to draw out the best in the men in my life.

Right now I decide to be a person of honor, provoking the king and not the fool by the way I behave. Thank you for prospering me, raising me up in my character and giving me the self control to be a catalyst for the greatness of another. Thank you, Lord!

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