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What if I married the wrong person?

Marriage is a choice – after being born again, it is the most important decision we will ever make. So what do you do if you feel you chose wrongly?

Since life is a journey, there are almost always elements of immaturity in our decision, which later we see with greater clarity. What we need to understand, however, is that there is no “right” person or “wrong” person to marry; there are simply options, some that have the potential to be harder to walk out than others.

One common misconception in relationships is that, since opposites attract, it is a good idea to marry someone who “balances you out”. While this may be helpful in other contexts, marrying someone who is opposite to you will not make for a harmonious life. Men and women are already very different in make-up. If your interests, temperament and ways of dealing with life are also far apart from that of the other person, it will be hard to enjoy each other’s company in the long term.

The fact is that many people find themselves married to someone who they would now like to “switch out” for someone else.

Why is it so easy to make a choice which, with hindsight, we would like to revisit?

We sometimes choose according to the need of the moment, to answer some kind of pressured situation we are facing. We can be convinced that another person is the answer to our problems in some way.

For example:

To spite our parents by breaking their control.

To escape an unhappy home.

To get affirmation from another person to patch up a negative self-image

You are on the rebound from an unhappy relationship.

You are fearful of being “left on the shelf” and your biological clock is ticking

You are fearful of independence and want to replace your Mum or your sister.

To protect the person you are dating from feeling rejected.

You feel sorry for him and see yourself as his counselor.

It is the only legal way of getting sex!

You fall pregnant.

You need a visa or money, or you have some other personal agenda.

The great news is that our choices don’t consign us to a lifetime of unhappiness just because our husband or wife is not everything we desire they would be.

The meaning of redemption is that God takes our humanity and creates something wonderful from our lives, and for that reason we should never feel trapped by decisions we made along the way.  God is not taken by surprise by our decisions, and He is able to work everything together for our good if we will place our trust in Him and not panic. He is the way maker and He will take us forward from where we are now.

Recognize that there is no security in human beings. If you are invested in your marriage relationship, the person you marry will be the source of your greatest joy and your greatest pain. You have to trust God with the management of your life and recognize that every relationship requires faith in God to make it work.

Remember that God is the one who satisfies your soul and decide to look to Him for that. Activate the principles of sowing and reaping to line yourself up for good in your future, even if you are crying right now!

The only person you can work on in the marriage is you, but as you work on doing these four basic things for your spouse, you will be sure to reap a harvest of goodness in your life.

Acceptance– Communicate to the other person that they are wanted and needed just as they are.

Identity – Recognize who you have married, Step back and look at their unique attributes and qualities and celebrate them. Be for their development and personal fulfilment, and don’t expect more than they are able to give right now.

Security – Let the person know.” I will not leave you destitute, no matter what you do” Put the highest priority on providing for you both and never leave the other stranded. If you have a track record of walking out, stop it.

Purpose – There is nothing more frustrating than living without a purpose. When people are not in touch with their purpose, they find all kinds of ways of distracting themselves – shopping, TV, substance abuse, even doing good deeds and being busy. But there is no aim in mind. Connect with one another by exploring why you are as you are. Find yourselves together.

Finally, bring yourself to sit under the preached Word as often as you can. The Word and the anointing will heal you every place you hurt. As you submit yourself to God in this way, you will discover that God knows well how to make ALL things beautiful in His time.

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