When people tell me that they are waiting for God to tell them who to date or to marry, a warning bell always sounds in my head! After more than 15 years of counseling and talking with people of all ages and at all stages of life, I have concluded that more often than not, such people end up unhappy with their choice and then blame God for it.
Ironically, the motivation that drives this approach is usually fear of making the wrong choice, but the fact is that God will not make the choice for you! When you decide to step up to the plate and make the choice yourself, you will find that God has equipped you to do a good job! As you apply practical wisdom, become alert to the natural evidence that is staring you in the face concerning this person, and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit within, confirming what you are feeling, you will be empowered to decide whether this relationship has a long term future.
It’s impossible to build a life with someone who doesn’t share your values, vision and passion for life, and don’t even consider a person you neither admire nor respect. If you do, you will eventually end up resenting yourself and despising them.
Since you are not just a spirit, take notice of the natural response of your body to certain people and not to others. When you marry, you won’t be making love to a spirit; your physical preferences matter, so don’t overlook them in the name of being spiritual.
When are you not supposed to be in a relationship with a person, even when you hold hands, it just won’t fit; when you kiss even the lips will disagree and everything else will be like toiling because there will be no natural flow! Listen to subliminal messages before you say I do because everything in nature bears witness in one way or another.
If you can’t spend time with your date without feeling like you want to be somewhere else, please don’t ignore such warnings. One of the simple signs that it’s right is that you are drawn to the person effortlessly. Don’t change your whole life for someone who finds it difficult just to change their weekend schedule for you. Life works by the law of proportions.
If you have to take a long time to agonize over whether or not you should marry the person, that should be enough evidence that you shouldn’t! When it’s right, you heart will say YES even before you can articulate it. Usually people who convince themselves through will power never really find real joy.
Investigate before you invest. Don’t assume anything about a person, but find out for sure before you throw yourself headlong into commitment. The strength of your feelings won’t be enough to carry you through the years – make sure you know the person you will spend your life with, as fully as possible.
And whatever you do. don’t let yourself fall in love with someone who doesn’t respect your personal dignity and value. The day you decide that you deserve to have a whole man, or a whole woman to yourself, you will be ready for a relationship that does you both good. You are not a commodity to be owned. You are a masterpiece of God’s creation and you deserve to be treated as someone who is valuable.
You must expect to change as you grow together, but if you aren’t even married yet and he or she is already trying to make you into someone different to suit them, don’t do it! Don’t try to force any relationship.
Do not despair concerning whether you will ever find a fulfilling relationship; God knows how to make your life WHOLE! I see a NEW SEASON filled with RELATIONSHIP wholeness and joy beginning in your life with no sorrow added to it!!