Most people spend a lot of time in life recovering from the after-effects of wrong choices.
When you experience soulish illnesses like anger, depression, loneliness and disconnectedness, you can easily become desperate, and desperation makes you act rashly. Before you know it you are picking up the pieces from another broken relationship, because you rushed headlong into something that wasn’t healthy for you.
But God’s priceless gift to us, as believers, is the ability to navigate relationship choices successfully, and choose wisely.
We are not trapped in the inevitable cycle of acting out of desperation. God wants to answer the cry of our hearts for relationships that are deeply satisfying, and bring out the best in us. He is on our side and He is not holding out on us!
Make a simple decision to let God teach you how to choose what is best for you. Psalm 25:12 tells us that this is one of the benefits of knowing God.
You may think you know how to choose because you have your own preferences and ideas. You have already been taught by others – and besides which, you have seen a bit of life by now! You know the type of guy or the type of lady that is “your type.” Maybe that is just the problem! You have “your type” and it’s the wrong type!
When you decide to yield all that to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to teach you, however, you will enter into a whole new level of wisdom and understanding. There really is no one who knows you like God does. He knows you better than you know yourself, and He is not holding out on you.
When you yield to God, all kinds of new insights and understanding will rise up in you. That is the voice of the Holy Spirit teaching you to see things you didn’t spot before.
For a start you will begin to discern infatuation and stop confusing it with love.
Infatuation is when you’ve been together two weeks and you are already saying you love each other! Infatuation is when there is a great sense of intimacy based on the fun you have when you are together on a date. You like them but you don’t really know them outside of the context of fun.
Infatuation is when you don’t even ask questions about the true character of the other person; and you certainly don’t want any of your friends, let alone your parents, to give their perspective on the relationship. You just know that he or she is hot, and that is enough for you!
Infatuation is when you are caught up entirely in the way you feel, and the whole relationship revolves around that. For a relationship to be real, it has to be focused on the other person – who they are, what they want and where they are going in life.
Genuine love tries its best to enter into how the other is feeling, even though men and women are so different in the way they process things. Genuine love will learn what it is like to be the other sex, instead of trying to make the other the same as them. Genuine love is not about self, it is always willing to see life from the other perspective.
Genuine love fosters a sense of security and feelings of trust. That is why co-habiting is so confusing. It sends the message, “I love you so much that I want to be with you – but maybe not forever.” For genuine love to blossom there has to be a focus on each other, which is exclusive. You can develop affection with five people, but real love has only room for two.
You can tell when you are maturing in the area of relationships because the drama becomes less and less. You spend less time planning your next move to outwit the other, and more time yielding to the other. Militancy dissipates and warmth takes over.
It’s no longer about pointed silences, keeping a record of wrongs, and proving the other one to be at fault – it’s about the quality of the love you share. You may end up losing the argument, but you will win the person, and that is the highest prize.
Finally you will have the wisdom not to give too much too soon. Let the relationship evolve and give it space. Give yourself some alone time to figure out what you feel and to consider where this relationship is going.
It’s a delicate dance – “How much do I release and how much do I hold back?” You are constantly evaluating whether there is an equivalent exchange being made by the other side so that you don’t get burnt, or remain too aloof.
Don’t give up other trusted friends, just because you have a new man in your life. If you attempt to lose yourself in this new relationship, you will not be able to give it your best, and they will help you to see things more clearly as you grow.
Everything of significance will happen to you in the context of relationships, so decide right now, that you will receive from God’s hand, relationships that enhance your life, and propel you towards your destiny. Not only will He meet you at your point of faith, He will hold your heart in the process as you seek to follow His leading. There is no one like our God!