Have you ever wondered why the strength of your feelings of love wane after you get married?
Before you were married, you couldn’t wait to be together, but as time goes on you find it harder to keep that sparkle in your relationship. When kids come, they can become the focus and you may not even notice that your time alone with your husband or wife has dwindled to almost nothing.
However much you are in love at the start of it all, as the years pass, you can end up concluding that it was all a mistake, and before you realize it you feel trapped.
The truth is that human love will come up short in life. It will be insufficient to take you the distance in any relationship. If you are relying on your infatuation to last, you will be disappointed for sure. Infatuation literally means, “to be infected with folly.” Or in plain terms, you have taken “stupid pill” However infatuated with a person you have been in the past, infatuation is not equipped to take you where you need to go in your marriage.
In fact, all the stuff you read online about dating will be useless now that you are married, since the world’s model for relationship is manipulation – two people using each other for to get their own needs met; but the Kingdom way is selflessness. We operate in relationships by giving the advantage. It is a huge shift in mindset and behavior.
The Kingdom way is scary at first; to live selflessly – more concerned about the other person’s hurts and problems than your own – seems incredibly risky. The fear that they will take advantage of you is real. But the more you get into it, trusting God every step of the way, the more you will found out that God’s plan works. If you have not lived long enough yet to discover that God is right, let me invite you to live a little longer and keep watching to see. The times that I thought He was wrong and I wanted to show Him the way more perfectly, I later discovered that His way had been the best all along. That is why I am now at a place where I don’t have to understand Him in order to obey.
Marriage is the opportunity to give up what you are as an independent individual, so that you can become something greater together. If you have no vision of what you can be together, you will feel that it is an unfair exchange, but if you can see that two are better than one, you will be able to say to God, “Enlarge my heart, Lord. Help me and put some of your love into my heart, because I have run out of my own.”
God chose you to be the steward of your husband’s or wife’s idiosyncrasies, and to still love them all the same. It takes a decision to see the fullness of another’s humanity and to still choose to respect them.
Do not be confused: when you get married, your husband or wife becomes your greatest assignment. If you love your wife with everything that you are, gentlemen, you won’t need to worry about your kids having the right perspective on women when it comes to their turn to date.
In fact the greatest thing that a father can do for his kids is to love his wife wholeheartedly and selflessly. The greatest thing that a mother can do for her kids, is to respect and honor her husband with the utmost affection.
Don’t make it your life’s assignment to change your spouse. It is futile since you can’t even change yourself, let alone someone else. That makes it the saddest calling in life. Not only that, but if you are secretly criticizing her in your thoughts, she will be distant, and you will be estranged from one another before you have even tried to speak. Anything you despise will eventually leave your life.
The greatest gift you can ever give to another person is forgiveness. Give them permission to be wrong. When you extend that right to another, they will be incapable of continuing to offend you. Love like that is unstoppable.
Can you believe that God chose you to make up the difference for what your spouse is not? Accept him or her and find something to celebrate – right now, in the midst of all your dissatisfaction, and the good things will begin to increase as you maintain and build your gratitude and love.
Just because you don’t understand what you are going through in your life, God still has your hand. If the waters are troubled, remember that, like the man at the pool of Siloam, your healing is in the midst of those troubled waters. If you will have discernment, you will start to see that behind that trouble is an open door. God will do a great work within you as you trust Him even when you feel disorientated.
Don’t panic! The things that you are crying about now, once you have lived a little longer, you will be thanking God for them, because you will see more clearly the wisdom of the route that He is taking you to your desired end.