Building trust and loyalty in marriage

John 12:24

Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much grain

Do you ever wonder why God gave you life?

Life is like time. It cannot be stored up and it cannot be put on pause. Every day your life continues, and despite its pain and frustrations, most people do their utmost to keep hold of it.

You will never understand your life until you realize that it had been given to you as a seed. It is supposed to be sown. That is why we talk in terms of “spending” your life. Your life is quite literally designed to be poured out and spent. The Bible tells us that if we try to hold back our lives, we lose them, but if we spend our lives for Him and His Kingdom, we find fulfillment and quality of life that is supernatural.

What does that mean in practical terms?

You will never be fulfilled in life until you start to give it away: your love, your time, your energy and your generosity.

If married people understood the power of this, it would change everything.

A good marriage is nothing about the length of time a couple has been together. If you tell me you and your spouse have been together for 20 years, the first thing I want to know is, “What have those 20 years been like?”

Our lives and relationships stay the same when we stop raising our standards and growing as individuals. Predictability is the greatest killer of a marriage. You know where he will sit when he comes home and what he will say every morning.  There is nothing fresh to talk about because there is no movement or progress in the lives of the people in it. Neither spouse is sowing anything into it any more.

The issue is that you have lost the excitement and the desire to invest any more of yourself because you are not sure that you will get anything back. A good marriage is an act of faith. You will never yield to the other if you are looking to the other person. You will be discouraged by their faults and the times they have let you down. But your security can never be in another person, but in God only, who will always defend you.

Maybe you have lost trust because of unfaithfulness. Even then it still doesn’t have to be the end of the road.

You can rebuild trust when it has been broken with a steady hand. If, as a couple, you still have genuine love, and the offender has an attitude of repentance, as well as a complete commitment not to repeat the behavior, your trust will be restored as you see that they are able to make better choices.

Loving someone God’s way is about focusing on them and not you; on their needs and not your hurt feelings.

Loyalty is when you commit to a person and cover them even when they are wrong, in order to preserve them.

Loyalty says, “You hurt me; but I love it that you are willing to change your behavior when I tell you that I am hurt.” That way you will avoid punishing your spouse for their mistreatment of you, but you will give them space to change without their feeling judged and rejected by you for their wrong.

Communication and honesty are the key. Explosive reactions and cold silences kill intimacy and teach your spouse to hide the truth from you, because you are not safe to confide in.

Samson’s heart had been broken, and Delilah made him feel so accepted that he could rest in her arms. If your man cannot rest in your presence, you will never be what he truly desires.

Similarly, if your woman does not feel secure in your presence, that she can say anything and she still has you, she will never give all of herself. She thrives on words, not abrupt answers;  and if she ever meets another who will listen and make her feel more understood than you do, that is the man who could steal her away from you.

Marriage is tough all the time that you stay stubbornly independent and refuse to yield to one another and to love one another unconditionally. Most people never even get into a covenant relationship with their spouse, because they are in it for themselves.

But if you will ever decide to give your spouse the advantage, instead of taking the advantage for your own purposes, you will start to understand that mystery of receiving back a supernatural harvest for the seed you sowed.


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2 Comments on Building trust and loyalty in marriage

  1. I have been Blessed. my marriage is only five years and only realised that we had stop growing. it was becoming predictable and I knew something had to change.

    A word in season

  2. powerful

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