We are all wired to need intimacy, yet it takes a lot to be good at relationships. Time to reflect, to become discerning and clear thinking about the kinds of relationships we want to invest in is vital before we can really make choices that we will be happy with years later.
One of the most valuable things we can pray for ourselves, and indeed for our children, is that we would have the ability to know how to choose relationships wisely. By God’s grace our lives can be about more than just rectifying past errors of judgment and correcting mistakes we made yesterday by getting intimately involved with people who were no good for us.
Don’t make the mistake of resorting to distractions when you feel inadequate to relate successfully or find the relationships you desire, since you will miss the opportunities when they show up. People become workaholics, or they go shopping or partying to fill the void. They surround themselves with noise and crowds to avoid the challenge of finding intimacy with a significant other, or simply to avoid spending time with a person to whom they are married now that the challenges have emerged.
So how can you tell when a person truly loves you and when you have genuine love for him or her?
Time will prove the authenticity of your feelings for someone, since infatuation fades over time, but love grows.
Don’t give too much too soon to anyone, to avoid having to extract yourself painfully later.
A woman is particularly drawn to do this, but in so doing she trains her man to be lazy since there is no need of pursuit. If a man is truly interested in you, he will do whatever it takes to find you and to marry you.
Don’t think that you will lead him towards marriage by co-habiting. His agenda is totally different and he may leave you years down the line when he meets someone he really wants to marry.
True love is based on knowledge of the other person, not on how he or she looks and it fosters a sense of security and a feeling of trust. You should not consider marrying anyone to whom you would not tell your darkest secrets.
Finally love is about giving the other person the advantage, it isn’t about self interest. You are not truly in love if it is all about you.
This is just a brief glance at some things we have talked about in church together regarding relationships. There is so much more that people need to know to be happy in relationships. Let me know if you would like to find out more. I would love to have the privilege.