He whose ear listens to the life-giving reproof, Will dwell among the wise.
Do you allow people to correct you? If not you are in relationships that are not based on truth.
The people who have a good attitude to correction are the ones in harmonious relationships, even though the issues they are working on may be greater.
Here are 5 pitfalls to avoid when on the receiving end of another person’s adjustments to your behavior.
- Shooting the messenger: This is when you lash back at the person bringing the comments. You know that there is a problem, but you refuse to ackowledge it and instead you act as if the person bringing it up is the problem.
- Rationalization: This is when you give lots of reasons for your behavior that are designed to reduce the sense of responsibility. “I was late because I don’t have an alarm clock and I know these things don’t start on time anyway.” Rationalizing people never accept responsibility or acknowlege where they are. Their excuses make them unteachable.
- Minimize the problem: These people admit the problem but speak of it as less serious than it is. “That wasn’t a big deal.” You minimize a person’s pain to justify a wrong action.
- Denial: You deny the fact that the problem exists. You manipulate words until the other person starts to believe it was their entire fault after all. “It’s my fault that he committed adultery since I wasn’t the right type of woman.” It is impossible to find common ground with the person who denies the existence of a problem.
- Projection: When you point out in another person the thing that is wrong in you, without appearing to see it in yourself. You deflect what you do and project it on others. People who project hate to see bad things about themselves, but are intolerant about wrong things in others.
So how do you handle confrontations right?
There is no substutute for saying, “You know what, you are right about what you said. I apologize.” It brings a release of tension in the relationship and allows for progress to be made.
Best of all you mature as a human being; you overcome your insecurities and you gain a new sense of self respect. You discover that it is not such a terrible thing after all to have to admit to your weaknesses.
Don’t hang back. Put it right today.