Matthew 19:6 What God has joined together let no man separate
As Christians we aren’t supposed to do things on a purely natural level. There should be something about your life that simply cannot be explained by your education, your talents and where you came from. That includes your marriage.
But what will that look like? How will you get the oil of God’s supernatural enabling to flow in your relationship together?
The day you make your marriage vows to one another, is a day when you become the place of safety for your marriage partner. The covenant is sealed by the giving and receiving of rings and by the utterance of vows. A new life has begun.
From that point onwards you have a right to borrow one another’s strengths, and a responsibility to steward one another’s weaknesses. Above all, your relationship becomes exclusive, and for both spouses to feel secure, this exclusivity has to have well defined boundaries that each submits to willingly
Jesus lets us know that the formula for godly marriage is that a man leaves his father and mother and becomes joined to his wife. That means that, whatever culture you live in, Kingdom culture must prevail if you want your marriage to work according to God’s pattern.
Leaving your father and mother signifies a range of things.
Firstly it means that your spouse becomes the highest priority in your life after God. Other family members now take a back seat and can no longer determine what happens in the marital home.
Sometimes parents and other family members want to live their life and fulfill their dreams through you and they will be angry when they discover that they cannot control you.
The opinions of other family members should not be given the power to mold the marriage or any aspect of the couples’ life together. This Biblical principle flies in the face of the traditions of many societies and cultures, but will create a hedge of protection around the sacred bond of marriage about which God says in Matthew 19:6 “What God has joined together let no man separate”
Secondly it means breaking ties with any previous girlfriends or boyfriends, since there must be no hint of a competing relationship,
Each partner should be freely given the right to meet all of the other spouse’s current friends. If there is a need for secrecy or awkwardness, that tells you that something isn’t right. There should be no old girlfriends still on the scene that the wife is forbidden to meet and no lingering boyfriends, who seem to be uncomfortably more than “just friends”.
Inappropriate emotional ties are as much a breach of the marriage covenant as extra marital physical relationships. You will have to stop contacting certain people, since the marriage bond is exclusive and neither party has the right to keep their options open any longer.
Honoring your spouse and by making him or her highest priority in your life, will involve the giving up of any activities and habits that would cause them to feel they must compete for that special place in your heart. This may include the husband’s passion for football or play station, or the wife’s weekly nights out with girlfriends.
That’s not to say that everything now has to be done together; but if the trust and security of the other is your highest concern, you will be able to work the logistics of these things out without a fight. Although the cost may seem unreasonable at the time, the reward of eradicating undertones of suspicion, fear and insecurity will be priceless
Similarly, when children come, they must take second place. If either spouse makes the children the focus of their attention, the marriage will start to fade. Not only that, but children are also at their most secure when they have clear boundaries and know that their parents’ marriage is strong and loving.
You may be thinking, “Surely it doesn’t take all that to make a marriage!” But sooner or later all of us will get to the place where we realize that God was right about our lives. We will continue to rise in life to the extent to which we are willing to sacrifice, and the same is true of our marriage relationship.
If we want to rise to the level of life that God has for us, there will be no short cuts. We simply have to do it His way.
This demands a decision since the essence of our godly covenant together with our spouse is to give, yet our human tendency is to want to receive all the time.
However, death reigns in the natural order, because if we take out more from any situation or relationship than we give, we will kill that thing.
Have you been killing your marriage by demanding more from your husband or wife than you are willing to release towards them?
As we choose the Kingdom way, the apparent death that we suffer in the form of sacrificing our preferences for the other, actually releases resurrection life, which then flows from Heaven into that marriage.
When character weaknesses show up, mistakes and set-backs occur, life puts the pressure on and significant events take place – all of which carry the potential to pull your marriage apart and devastate you – you will be able to walk through with your covenant intact and your lives still on track.
Now that’s supernatural!